im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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