Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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