well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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