So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
