I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
