They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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