My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
