you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize