i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
