Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
