Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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