its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's always time for handjobs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need a beard to bite.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
