you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
