Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
