Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
