your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
