So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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