It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
