I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
