dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
