just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
