That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
