Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
