super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
