Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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