I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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