wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We have started to decorate penises.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
