Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
