her vagine was all disorganized.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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