Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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