Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
