I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
