i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
