The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she peed on how many people?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just want to make out with him forever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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