The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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