I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
