it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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