maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
