You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
