After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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