U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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