i just google imaged poop.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
