the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
