Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
