Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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