he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
