I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I AM VODKA MAN
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
