My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
