i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
