remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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