why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
