Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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