I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize