remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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