bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
