I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
