i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize