season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
