I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
