I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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