cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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