first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
