Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
honey bunches of taint.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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