oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
