the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
