i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
