how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
