Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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