Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
