There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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